It’s okay to NOT be okay (life as a biz owner + momma during a pandemic)
Hey my friend. And welcome to another episode of the Simplify Your Sales podcast. Today’s podcast is a *little* bit different than my normal educational content. Some of it will probably be me rambling, just as a heads up. But I feel like emotionally, I need this episode, and maybe you do, too. Or maybe you know someone who does. I don’t know. But I feel like I need to record this slightly-vulnerable episode so I’m going to trust my gut and do it.
And to kick things off, not that you need it, but today I want to give you permission to NOT be okay.
So far 2020 has been a year like no other. Just 25 minutes from my house there’s been looting and rioting and burning in response to racial injustice.
And then we’re all still dealing with the negative impacts of COVID-19 and all that entails– from staying secluded, questioning decisions for my daughter to return back to school, and wearing masks absolutely everywhere (and then doubling back because you forgot yours at the house– I cannot tell you how much time I’ve wasted on that).
I bring these things up because I want you to know that even those times that *I* seem to “have it all together” and am running this profitable, successful business, I’ve got to be honest: right now? I’m struggling, just like almost everyone else. Probably just like you.
Some days (especially lately) I feel like I CAN’T show up– physically and emotionally. And it’s hard because while I’ve had those experiences from time to time (usually as the result of burnout), usually a day or two off from the business is enough for me to refresh, recharge, and come back better than ever.
But with the emotional and mental toll everything has taken on me this year, I’m finding it’s harder and harder to “get in the groove.”
When I took an unexpected week off earlier this summer during a particularly discouraging personal time, I fully planned to be ready to dive back into the business with excitement and energy afterwards.
And to my immense shock, I wasn’t. In fact, I was dragging my heels to even open my laptop.
And so one of the little “tricks” I’ve learned over the years about myself is that if I’m not wanting to work, I have to set “deadlines” for myself of new projects to launch or things that HAVE to get done by a certain date because people are counting on me. Basically, I use stress and pressure to get stuff done. Not my best business-strategy recommendation, especially from an emotional health perspective, but it’s kind of been my fall-back when stuff like this happens.
So with that in mind, I decided the thing I needed to “get back into the groove” was to design + launch this brand new hybrid coaching program for digital education products that I’d been dreaming + scheming about for AGES. I figured if I put it out there, I would have to hold myself accountable to people that pre-enrolled in it to get the launch and content done for it. I figured if there was something on the table that I HAD to do, I’d be able to to do it and find my “groove back.”
And so I started working on this new project all hours of the night– often until 11:00 pm which is *pretty* late for me who is usually up at 6:00 with my son the next day. But I found myself trying to pour all of my energy and willpower into this new program because “I am strong” and “I can do hard things” and basically everything that all my coaches and mentors have told me for the past few months– that I have to be a “leader” in our community and show up now more than ever because people were scared and struggling during this challenging time and they needed me to be strong.
But what I neglected to realize is that while showing up and leading and being there for my audience is an incredibly noble thing, I, personally, couldn’t do it in an authentic way because I wasn’t “showing up” for myself.
I was scared and struggling, just like so many of my audience.
I was trying to pretend like everything was normal and nothing had happened and doing #allthethings I had done in the past, all the while behind the scenes I was:
struggling with having my high-energy daughter home full-time with NO babysitter
my teething baby boy who is STILL the worst sleeper ever 20 months into his life and can’t cut his eye teeth to save his life.
And then the simple fact that we can’t “get out” and do things because of COVID– or even have friends over (always thought I was an introvert, but I am NOT this introverted and I MISS having people over on a regular for dinner and game nights. Like, we host HUGE murder mystery parties at our house and we haven’t done that in so, so long!). But the not having friends over thing? It’s dang HARD.
And while these are certainly “small potatoes” compared to what a lot of other people are going through– or maybe seem that way based off of what YOU are going through– they are still important and they are still challenges that are impacting me and the way I show up and run my business.
And as someone who openly struggles with my mental health– both depression and anxiety since having children– pretending like everything was “okay” and going along “business as usual” while things at home and the world were very much NOT as usual was just about as inauthentic as I’ve ever felt. Even though my mentors and coaches told me I HAD to be that person for my audience because you “needed me to be strong.”
And that’s just B.S.
I’m here to tell you something you already know: that the longer you ignore a problem and pretend it doesn’t exist, the worse it attacks you when it all comes to a head which is always, ALWAYS does.
Now I don’t know all the details of your situation, but I’m guessing you’re probably struggling with SOMETHING given all the challenges we’re facing in our society and world today. Maybe you have your kiddos home more than you’re used to and it’s eating into your “work hours.” Maybe your spouse is a nurse and you worry everyday what they’re being exposed to at work. Maybe you’re just so dang worn down from reading nonstop TRAGIC news that you feel like you’re being eaten alive by pure despair.
Like I said, I don’t know what you personally are going through, but I do know that you’re probably going through SOMETHING. And regardless of how “small” that seems or how inconsequential given what’s going on in the world around us and what other people are living through right now, your struggles and challenges? They still matter and can still have a negative impact on how you’re able to “show up” in your business– heck, even in life– during this turbulent time.
They are valid, and YOU are valid.
I want you to STOP being so hard on yourself.
I want you to STOP pushing yourself to your limit and beyond.
And more than anything else, I want you to stop feeling like you have to do #allthethings in your business right now while you’re also trying to ignore the pit in your stomach to curl into a ball and cry.
It’s NOT business as normal and it’s okay that you don’t feel “normal.”
In fact, I’m convinced that the reason so many more of us struggle with mental health problems today than in past times is because we put TOO MUCH PRESSURE on ourselves. We lie to ourselves that we’re “okay” when we’re not because we see someone else handling things seemingly “just fine” on social media or whatever and have to believe that WE need to be that way too.
But what we’re failing to realize IN THE MOMENT (even though you might know it deep down) is that we’re only seeing their “highlight reel” and they’re strengths may not be ours– and that’s okay!
Case in point: I LOVE to plan parties. I actually majored in event management at my University and worked professionally as an marketing event manager for a book publishing company prior to having my kiddos and selling baby headbands on Etsy. In fact, one of the books I worked on launching was actually ON entrepreneurship and it kind of gave me the bug. Another story for another day.
Regardless, one of MY ways of coping with this pandemic is to plan EPIC birthday parties. Since we can’t have friends and stuff over or really “go out” in the traditional sense of the word, this means going over-the-top with decorations and food and desserts and party games so my family feels extra special on their birthdays– and trust me, we’ve had a few during the pandemic. And I LOVE putting in all those hours and handmade touches and overly-decorated desserts. Baking and making gorgeous desserts is my true love in this life. And so I will pour in HOURS creating everything from scratch so it’s all “just right.”
But for my one of my very best friends, the idea of planning out a birthday party– no matter how simple it is– is her idea of flat-out torture. Decorating a cake is one of her LEAST favorite things to do in the world. And during this pandemic, she has been stressed beyond belief and put in the BARE MINIMUM for birthday parties because she is barely holding it together as it is.
On the flip side, I have SO many friends who have loved spending a “slower” summer with their family at home and soaking up every single moment that they feel this pandemic has given them.
Me? Most days I’m ready to pull out my hair by 10:00 am, and by bedtime, I’m basically a walking shell of my former self who collapses on the couch, wanting to eat my weight in chocolate (which is ANOTHER problem for another day). These days during the pandemic seem ridiculously long– especially in 100+ degree summer heat that keeps us cooped up– and I honestly have NOT enjoyed them by any stretch of the imagination.
And I share those examples with you because I want you to realize that it’s not fair to compare. Each of us has different strengths and weaknesses and during this pandemic, those are simply exaggerated.
And so if you are seeing so-and-so whipping out products and photos and social media posts like crazy for their shop while you’re struggling to keep it together, take a minute to realize that *maybe* that’s how THEY are coping through everything.
And then be willing to acknowledge that it might not work that way for you.
I’m reminded of a quote by Amy Poehler that I love, love, LOVE even though I haven’t read her book. She says:
“Good for her, not for me”
And I want that to be your mantra during this– and any future– challenging times.
Your health absolutely matters. Without it, you can’t function in ANY of your roles– be it parent, sibling, employee, spouse, business owner– ANY of them.
And while we’re all trying to stay super healthy PHYSICALLY (although the pandemic 30 is a real thing), let’s not forget to take care of our mental health, too.
And if that means that you’re taking time for yourself to unwind and show some self-love instead of staying up until 1 am sewing or filling orders, that’s okay.
I’m going to sound like a cheesy cliche, but I’m okay with that because this just recently struck me. Life is a journey, not a destination.
I know it’s so easy to get caught up in our goals and finances and all the places we think we “should be” that we ignore how we feel in the moment. That’s exactly what it was for me with my new program– I thought I “should” be doing things this way because that was the original plan and that as long as I worked, I would be fine, but guess what? We’re in the middle of a freakin’ pandemic…and the additional stressors on top of creating + launching that program while I felt this way made me hate every minute of it.
The minute I cancelled + refunded the program for the time being– because trust me– it’s STILL going to happen– just *not* right now), it was like this insane weight had been lifted off my chest.
You don’t have to push yourself so hard that you’re endangering yourself. Please don’t! Know that if things feel beyond challenging and that you can’t catch your breath, let alone a break right now, know that it’s only for a season and it will pass.
The world will not end if you choose to go to bed at a reasonable hour instead of writing Instagram captions until 2 am– I promise.
So during this time, give yourself some grace and some time to simply take care of YOU. You are absolutely worth every minute of it and the self-care you show yourself now is setting your future self up for success.
And that things will get better. You WILL find your groove again, I promise. It may not be today and it may not be tomorrow, but keep taking it all one day at a time and know that we’re all struggling right now — you’re not alone.
You’ve absolutely got this.
I’ll see you next time, same time, same place.